"Is anybody out there?"

During any given week, approximately 95% of my email is SPAM, 97% of my phone messages are trying to either deceive me or get me to buy something, and 99% of my texts are telling me I paid my phone bill. The rest of the time I am contacted by well-intentioned people who actually want to talk to ME, or at least want someone to talk to.

If you are among the latter, please contact me, Bill Allen, or one of my assistants, Cocoa, Sheba or Esby, at W_L_Allen@yahoo.com for any of the following reasons:

• to get an autographed copy of any Bill Allen Book
• to provide feedback about any Bill Allen Book
• to chat with Bill Allen
• to report issues with this website
• because you are bored and can't think of anything better to do